Two years ago this week Mom, Dad and I started riding across Iowa. Dad and I biked while Mom got the raw end of the deal and traveled by bus with all our camping gear. I wrote this at some point towards the end of the trip.  I can now look back and chuckle. You should too.

Day 1-Travel to Iowa.
Today I relearned a few lessons:
1. 3:30am is an ungodly time to get out of bed
2. Airports are iceboxes in the summer-wear pants not shorts
3 Iowa is NOT flat
Mom and Dad picked me up in middle of nowhere Iowa and we drove 2 hours north to what is referred to as the Alps of Iowa( I am not kidding) We set up camp in a park along the river. The location was perfect for watching the sunrise on day two, but I am jumping ahead. Here are some shots from night one which paint the picture better than my words. Picture one- my reaction when I heard there is no dark beer. Picture two- the start of a sordid affair with PBR( a cheep beer I had previously not let touch my lips) Picture 3- my reaction to PBR. What’s sad is that I suspect I would make this face if asked to describe all my sexual experiences to date- not terrible, but *shrug* not really worth it.

Day 2-“The wheels on the bus go round and round… and round.”
We rode on a bus for 5 hours from the east side of Iowa to the west. We lugged bags to the far side of a field and set up tents with our new neighbors( 1,500 new neighbors. Those 1,500 are just the people we are camping with. There are 15,000 people biking. The people participating are from different countries, they are different ages, races, and their physical abilities and body types vary. For some this is their 21st RAGBRAI and for others, we are RAGBRAI virgins. Yes, that is what they call us and you are encouraged to write the word virgin down your calf. I cannot bring myself to do this. Despite our difference we now all have one thing in common- the most ridiculous tan lines! I forgot where I was going with day two so here are two pics of camp sites.There is beer in that orange mug and that makes me happy

Day 3- “You said 69!”
For day one we were only supposed to bike 69 miles but we actually had to bike 75 because someone in charge of this event clearly counts as well as I do. The only other note worthy things that happened this day:
1. I waited in line for 2!!! Hours to take a shower.
2. I waited in line to pee and finally decided that there was corn that needed to be watered.
3. I had beer. It made me happy

Day 4- A newfound appreciation for real butter.
I like butter. A lot. I have not reached the Paula Deen level( mainly because I know there is no “d” in the word )but it ranks up there with bacon and beer. Since in Iowa I have encountered, and shamefully consumed, liquid butter. I have also religiously used butt butter. I feel dirty and like I’ve cheated on butter.

The ride today was supposed to be 40 but was 48. Closer. Nope. No it’s not.

Day 5- “Oh hey, Lance Armstrong”
Yeah I biked with Lance today. No, I didn’t have time to ask about the scandals or why he dumped Sheryl Crow. Ok ok. When I say I “biked with”I really mean he and a swarm of twelve bikers dressed in matching black spandex outfits buzzed by me with such speed I was almost knocked from my bike.

Today was supposed to be 79 but was 85. I know it is close but mentally it messes with you when you think you’re just doing 79 but you then cross that far into the 80s

Day 6- “Don’t think of an elephant.”
We all know the saying and as soon as someone says it, you think of an elephant. Or if you’ve spent a good amount of time with GMC philosophy professors you may also think of George Lakeoff. Anyway. I am not sure if it is a Midwest thing or a RAGBRAI thing but here people call port a pottys “KYBOs”. This stands for Keep Your Bowles Open. Everyone who has ever been in one of these conveniently dreadful things knows not to look down. But when someone says, “Don’t look down” as they walk out and you walk in, well it is a lot like that damn elephant thing. Today I am thrilled I am not a professional port a potty or KYBO cleaner.

Today was supposed to be 38 but was 41. In the Beth math world that is practically spot on. Oh! Because today was such a short day we had time to go on a tour of a hotel Frank Llyod Wright designed. Here is what I learned:
1 He designed 6 hotels
2 Only 4 were built
3 The hotel in Mason City is the last one standing
4 Frank must have been good in bed.